If I said sticking a lighted candle in your lughole will calm your mind, relax, soothe and revitalise you, you would think I'm three pints of beer short of a session.
She took great pleasure in screeching down my lughole at any given moment.
They all sell ear plugs designed to reduce the assault on your poor lugholes without rendering you completely deaf.
I hate mobile phone-owners, particularly men who brag about the merits of their latest chatter boxes, plonk them on bars, restaurant tables, walk, drive or cycle with one glued to their lughole.
The next time British troops are dispatched to a war zone, no doubt they will be led by a battalion of the Queen's Own Ear-Clippers, who will beat the enemy into submission with well-aimed biffs on the lughole.
Well, it wasn't rock and roll as you would recognise it but there was certainly enough power and decibels to give the lugholes a good stinging.
Music that tinkles from the lugholes of passengers either side of you on the Clapham omnibus is not something that will be cherished.
Unlike last time, he had a full band behind him, the sound big and heavy, enough to leave my poor lugholes ringing for about 24 hours after.
No, they don't do Oasis covers - heaven forbid - but the pummelling volume took my lugholes back to that school hall in 1994.
They then fire various low intensity beeps down your lughole.